Mom Talk: Should You Bribe Your Kids?

We're introducing a new feature at missionviejo.patch.com today. Each week we'll be featuring content just for moms on Wednesday. Every afternoon our moms council will weigh in on a topic near and dear to their hearts. This week: should you bribe your kids?

Some argue that kids should do well in school for their own sense of accomplishment and self esteem, not for cash. Others argue that giving kids incentives is a way to unlock motivation for less-than-motivated kids. Check out a recent study reported in Time Magazine.

Here's what Mission Viejo moms think:

• Wendy Bucknum says: Because both my husband and I work outside the home, we talk about school like a job.  It’s where you go to do a good day’s work and we talk about our day each night, what got done and what didn’t, if we need to prepare for a project, etc. Report cards are compared to job reviews and used as a tool to better yourself. We provide incentives such as if you have all As and Bs you can have video games on the weekends… otherwise it’s unplugged and put away. Also, being on the honor role will get you an annual pass to Disneyland. With our son entering Middle School next year the idea of a cell phone has come up – that will also be dependent on maintaining a B average or higher. We also have a daughter in college. When she was in high school we told her B average and above equal car keys – this also helps insurance rates, so it’s a great goal!

• Christine Atwood says: "The ages-old statement of “Money is the root of all evil” certainly comes into play with the idea of bribing our children to get good grades.  As someone living in affluent Orange County, the fact that I seem surrounded by people spending money with apparent abandon grates at every turn!  Have we really turned into a society that bows down and worships the almighty dollar?  Apparently we have according to the referenced article.  This fills me with profound sadness.
• I do not wish to raise children that value the ability to earn more and more money.  My husband and I strive to instill respect for a job well done, a sense of pride for attaining the grade they want, and a feeling of accomplishment for a job well done. After all, aren’t respect, pride and a sense of accomplishment the building blocks of self esteem?  Self esteem cannot be bought with cold hard cash.
• As a child my father paid me for every “A” I earned on my report card and I can say for certain that this did not motivate me.  It was the smile from a particularly strict teacher when I earned an “A”.  It was the validation from a science instructor after I “got” a concept that motivated me.  The money was cold.  It gave no hugs nor smiled at me when I did well.
• My children do not get bribed for good grades.  At least not in the sense we are talking here.  If they come home with a particularly good grade on a test or paper, we post it on our cork board. It is announced at dinner and my husband and I always make sure to comment on how proud we are of their hard work. Likewise, if the grades aren’t so good we will help point out where improvements can be made to raise their grades.  If, as a result, we see improvement then they get to choose what we have for dinner that night.  To me, this is the right kind of "bribery." Our children will be adults soon enough and as such will be shoved into a world full of monetary bribery. The problem is that those adults that did not learn to value themselves outside of our monetary system will suffer severely when the very real possibility of being laid off occurs.  Their self value will be tied directly to the amount of money they bring home.  This will shove our already anti-depressant pill popping society into further demise.  Is this going to be the picture of our future “Great” America?  I certainly hope not! 

• Karyn Aslanian says: "I don't think rewards are such a bad idea for good grades. Some of my friends received monetary rewards growing up. As far as my children I will cross that bridge when it comes, I may sing a different tune in a few years when my children are of school age.
• Julie Flores says: "If you asked me this question a few years ago I would have told you that this is a terrible idea. I share the same ideal as Christine on the subject. But that was a few years ago. By and large I think it may not be the best approach but I am faced with one child who is an overachiever and one who struggles. I have sought help for my son for years from all of his teachers and just recently from the Student Study Team at his school. Quite frankly they have been no help at all.
• Since my daughter is three years older and has a pretty rigorous academic schedule I recruited her to be my son's math tutor. She gets paid to tutor and they have each been promised bonuses if he can bring his grade up to a B. They have a collective vested interest in his success. I have tried every way under the sun to motivate him so I am willing to try anything at this point. I hope that once he achieves these small successes they will turn into the main motivator but I don't know that for sure. My original belief that no child should be paid for grades worked fine in my head because my first child is a perfectionist. My second child requires a different approach. I don't know if it will work but I am trying anything to unlock the key to his success.