The Age Of Compassion Ends

Editor's Note: The following is a work of political satire.

There's been a rumor around town for quite a while now that a strange, Brazilian doctor has been seen entering and leaving the Schlicht house at all hours and that he's also been spotted in city hall on some Monday evenings. Not much is know about this doctor, and all we can say for sure is that he apparently wears an oddly shaped, black slouch hat and he's some sort of ibogaine expert. Apparently the doctor was trained how to administer ibogaine deep in Brazil's rain forest by a rouge CIA officer; the officer had picked up his training in a pygmy village at some point during the late 1970s.

We all know of the underground treatment clinics for heroin addiction that rely solely on the use of ibogaine, but their success rates have always been spotty and called into question every few years by 60 Minutes.

Not to imply an addiction in the case of Mission Viejo , but if she were under the dreaded grips of ibogaine and in the clutches of a Brazilian "Dr. Feelgood," it would explain quite a bit actually.

For example, ibogaine addiction would explain her often and always bizarre explosions on the dias where she suddenly turns violent, pounding her miniature American flag and railing at city staff, her fellow members of the city council, and most oddly of all the general public, including  an entire troop of brownies one evening. The sight of 17 very young girls, mostly blonde, sobbing and shaking while being led out of the room by armed deputies was truly disturbing.

It would also explain her exceedingly callous public records request that she filed on September 14, 2011 regarding Deputy Brad Blakely's recent accident while on duty. Deputy Blakely is a motorcycle officer in Mission Viejo and while on duty he noticed a rookie officer on the side of the road along with another vehicle.

Officers have a way of signaling each other if the stop is just a routine stop. While Deputy Blakely was looking for the signal, the car in front of him suddenly slowed and the Deputy rear-ended the vehicle; he went sailing over the vehicle and landed on the hood.

Rather than inquire to find out if the deputy had sustained any injuries, Councilwomen Schlicht asked for the following:

• records regarding the accident;
• repair bills for both vehicles;
• all other costs associated with the accident.

Ibogaine would certainly ruin a person's mental facility to the point that they would be more concerned with the repairs and with trying to "get" something on the officer, rather than finding out if the man was okay, or if he and his family needed anything.