Remember, the kids are innocent.

Written by my husband - if you have a few moments to spare, please read on:

1/12/2014

I'm still learning, and I know my wife is too.  We've had our little one in our family now for almost 6 months, and we are being overly conscientious of everything.  The constant arrival of new questions bounds.  "Will he benefit from us reading stories at such a young age?"  "Should we be starting them on solid foods?"  "Are we making sure we are socializing him enough?"  One thing we've never had to ask ourselves is, "Should we expose him to all types of people and cultures?"  As part of our search for answers, my wonderful wife, somewhat shy and reserved and not fitting the stereotypes of our environment, is making efforts to answer the last two questions by going outside her comfort zone and seeking our moms of a similar age group to not only socialize our son and expose him to all types of people, but also to meet other moms who she can learn from and potentially share ideas with.  Perhaps some of the challenges we've had are different than some of the challenges shared by others, and a few extra friends never hurt anyone either.  

To start her search she started I with a service called MeetUp.com which allows for groups of folks to "meet up" and go on outtings, share ideas, and generally provide a get together opportunity to make new friends and connections.  This could be for groups of investors looking for new investment ideas, folks who love the outdoors who want a group to hike with, people who want to fish for salmon in Yemen, or even a group of over 30 moms who are wanting to have outings where their kids can get together and socialize.  

After a few disappointments in her search, (you don't live in the right area to join, groups not responding, change in the due date for dues), she found a few groups where she was able to gain membership.  She joined the OC LGBT family group as an opportunity to do all the things that she wanted to accomplish.  An opportunity to go on outings, meet other parents, and potentially make new friends.  But her search continued to find more opportunities, and it lead her to a moms over 30 group from Mission Viejo.  "Wow, perfect!"  A targeted group where moms were of her age group, and going through many of the same things that she herself was going through.  The application to join the group was immediate, and anticipation mounted as she waited for a response so that she could start participating as soon as possible.  Natural history museum, outings to the park....this was truly perfect.  

Some time passed, and then finally, the response.  An email received by Michelle.  I watched my wife as she read the email to herself, and her face changed.  I couldn't put my finger on it....it was a new look I hadn't seen before.  Almost perplexed as her eyebrows dropped and her mouth began to purse.  Then, the anger set in, and she shared with me what she had received.  What follows is the response in it's entirety with no modifications having been made:

From: Meetup

Date: January 11, 2014 at 9:07:30 AM PST

To:

Subject: Your request to join MAMAS of OC (Motherhood After Mid-thirties Association) has been declined

Your request to join MAMAS of OC (Motherhood After Mid-thirties Association) was declined.

The person who declined your request said:

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Hi XXXXXXX,

I thank you for your interest in our group.  Although you meet our requirements, I have to respectfully decline your request.  As an organizer, I am NOT required to write an explanation.  In fact, I only have to hit the decline button and that is it (no reason given).  However, I feel you deserve an explanation.  

Your submission to join caused me to pause and really think about all dynamics of this group and how to best serve this group as an organizer.  When I noticed that you were part of the OC LGBT Families group, i realized this would put you at philosophical odds with several members of this group.  I know you want to raise your son (who is very cute by the way) with other parents that will support you and not be in opposition to your belief system.  Therefore, I don't believe this group will give you the opportunity to make deep, lasting friendships.  I wish you the best of luck in finding a group that will best fit you and your son.

- Michelle

So let's focus on some key things that Michelle illustrated in her email that I think are important to note:

• My wife meets all the criteria of the group for a mid-thirties mom group and has a "cute kid".

Michelle makes some pretty broad assumptions about the members of her group at this point.  She assumes that her group is as intolerant as she is.  Intolerant to other people of any type, creed, belief, ect.  This is what she is teaching her children, and what she assumes the children of her group which to be taught.  This would all be fine is we were just trying to befriend Michelle, which is clearly not our issue.  However, MIchelle has denied everyone in the group (all 49 moms) the opportunity to make a lasting friendship not only with my wife, but also for their kids to befriend my son.  This is what truly makes me sad.  I would tend to believe that not all members of the group share Michelle's opinion, and if so, they should've listed that they were an intolerant group on their site.  I believe that is important for others to know prior to requesting access to such a group.  So that is how I will approach the issue.  

I'm putting out there that anyone who reads this and feels that there is no place in child rearing for teaching intolerance and forcing the close mindedness of the parents on to the kids who should be allowed to make their own decisions in life, to request this group correct the mission of the members, which as I interpret it stands as "mid-thirties moms who want their children in bubbles and not exposed to all cultures and creeds that make up the melting pot of America."  

This is not a gay advocacy article.  In fact, this an advocacy of nothing more than tolerance for all people.  People should be allowed to follow whatever path they wish.  This is part of our American freedom that we should all be entitled to.  No one person should be denied opportunity based on their affiliation with a group.  Would it have been the same if she was part of a Catholic Church organization?  What about if she was a volunteer for Salvation Army?  Michelle, part of this article entitles, yes, even you, to hate who you want, when you want, and how you want, but you do NOT have the right to make that decision for the members of your group, and they deserve the right to know.  

So if you share this opinion, I would encourage you to email the groups administrators, MeetUp.com, and potentially any other source which may help others know that intolerance of any type will not help us become a stronger community, in fact, I can't think of much that it will help us do.  Below is information on how you can participate if you would like.  

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.  

Group Website:  http://meetu.ps/25lhr8

Group Administrators:  Michelle, Tamara Williams

Update 1/18/2014

It turns out that the group has updated their description to indicate that “Respectfully, this group is also for married and single moms who choose to believe in marriage as between a man and a woman.”  It appears now at least, the intolerant nature of the group is no longer an unspoken rule, but an advertised one.  At the time of writing this article, membership was at 49 moms, and it can be noted that the current membership stands at 40, and Tamara Williams has removed her name from the organizer section.  Good for you 9 moms who chose to ask the right questions.